Stars

I have looked at the night sky a million times before,
Always gazing at or searching for; the moon,
Always ignoring you or abandoning you,
Never even gave you a thought,

Who knew?
We would meet at such a place and such a time.
In the open ground of one of the most beautiful college,
I saw you!
I saw you and i gazed at you.

For the first time in such a long time,
Noted your existence,
And in what a grandeur,
Amidst a jazz concert,
In the nostalgic feel of the british architecture,
I saw you.
I saw you and we spoke,
For the first time i guess i spoke to you, stared at you, maybe even counted a few of you.

To be honest,
I counted 9 of you,
The brightest that shone tonight.
Thank you,
Thank you for accompanying me on this beatiful night,
In this beautiful place,
In the beautiful music playing behind our conversation.
Thank you for you company.
Thank you for being you.

If only...

She turned back and started walking away from him, with tear filled eyes. She knew her heart can’t be wrong and he loves her deeply and yet he chose to go away from her. He told her he is doing it for her own good and she kept on saying let me decide what is good for me. A deep melancholy filled her, she wished to cry out loud and yet she couldn’t, because she knew it was of no use, no matter how much she tells him that her happiness is with him and not away from him, he won’t listen. He won’t change his decision. All she could do at that moment was to shed a silent tear and keep walking. All those moments flashed in front of her eyes. All the memories of the time they spent together flood in her mind. She remembered their odd first conversation. The university was the least of all places she had thought she would meet someone and yet after she met him she couldn’t stop falling for him. H thought he was invisible to her in that classroom and she always wanted to tell him that he wasn’t. She did something out of her nature that day, for the first time she gave away her number to a guy on the first meet itself. Sure she was scared and hoped he wasn’t a psycho stalker. She even tried to shoo him away, but found herself going back to him time and again. He made her blush; he taught her once again the magic of meeting someone, the magic of stealing a glance of the person you like. He made her feel the butterflies in her stomach once again. He did nothing special and still made her feel special every day. Gradually her initial fears disappeared or rather got replaced by new ones. Fear of losing him. He had a tendency to go out of touch for days together and now she wanted to tell him one last time that she hated that thing. She lost him time and again because it was never her call to keep him bound to herself. And here they were once again at the same standpoint. How she wishes she could just keep him with her and still here he was once again choosing to leave. He made his decisions, he said his life was too messed up already and dint want to mess up hers by getting her in his life and here she was thinking, everyone’s life is messed up, if only she could convince the math professor in him that “they both” the two negatives could make a positive i.e “their future”. But no matter how much she tried he wouldn’t agree. She will never be able to make him see this simple logic. Here she was walking away, knowing in her heart that they could have created a positive life out of their negatives. 

a battle lost

I had heard that a soulmate is someone who can understand your silence,
but felt d opposite to be true,
I had heard you feel uncontrollablly attracted towards your soulmate,
and that proved to be true but only from my side,
I had heard that love gives you strength to fight wit the world,
and was ready to do so,
but still I lost the battle,
I lost it to him,
he never really thot of me d same way I did,
he never thot of me as a soulmate,
I still remember the 1st time I met him,
I felt breathless pull towards him,
but probably it was just one sided,
I lost the battle of my heart,
I lost it to him,
as he never saw a soulmate in me,

I caught myself going back again and again to him,
even though I was not welcomed by him,
in a hope that someday he will realise wat we have is not just a small attraction, but a relation way stronger,
but found myself to be more and more week day by day,
as I kept loosing all hopes against hopes,

in my journey of loving him I hurted many other souls,
I just wanted to live,
to live a relation that was rightfully mine,
a relation I had always dreamed of,
but I lost my battle,
I lost it to him
as he dint see me d same way as I saw him,

I can see in his behaviour that he can't deny the fact that he feels something strong for me too,
and I fail to understand y he cannot see me d way I see him,
is he really so unaware of the connection of souls,
or is he just pretending to be unaware of my pain,
even after all that I am going through,
I will loose this battle too,

I may surrender to the worldly pressure
but In my heart I will always wonder,
had I won the battle to his heart
would I have for once lived the relation which was rightfully mine.

Talash

Apno ki bheed mei,
Har koi anjaan sa hai,
Chahaton ki mehfil mei,
Sab kuch viraan sa hai,

Jujh raha hai harr koi yahaan,
Dhund raha koi saathi,
Koi basera, koi saraaha,
Jisse manzil keh paate,

Jin rishton k naam nai,
Unme dil atka hai,
Harr kissi k liye yaha rishton ka apna alag maina hai,

Mai bhi nikli thi dhundne ek aisa rishta,
Jaha kissi k naam se khud ka naam mila paati,
Dhund rahi thi koi aisa,
Jisse tut kar pyar kar paati,

Bohot dhunda bahar koi aisa,
Jiske ek jhalak se dil khil jaaye,
Parr badi der se ehsas hua,
Ki harr talash khud k mann k andar hi le aaye,

Kissi aur mei kuch dhundne se pehle,
Khud k andar jhako,
Jitni kami dekh rahe ho,
Aur jitne gun dhund rahe ho,
Shayad sab sawalo k jawab andar hi mil jaaye.

She chose to be

I saw somewhere
I dont remember where
But her persona emitted only brightness

Every person she met
Every heart she touched
Caught a little of the gold
That she in her heart hold

They say she's too young to be a mom
They take her too casually
Just because she has a bright smile
They think she has no pain
Its strange that they all forget
There's no gain without pain

But yet she smiles
Ignoring them all
As she has raised her bar

She chose
She chose all of this
The jokes, the casual manner they look at her,
She chose to be like this
She chose to be happy
And people close know
She chose well.

All she needed was love

In her lone and despair
She kept weeping
All she had was lonliness
All she wanted was a companion

Beautiful and pretty for a friend
But no one would take her for a girl
Bubbly and chirpy she comforted all by her smile
But when in dispair and need, none of them came by

Tired of her life
She looses all hope

All she needed was love
A companion , A friend
But she had none

If only she understood
Love for herself
She could have felt
A companion in her lone.
A companion called
Herself

The first love

    love for me is my 1st boyfriend
love was when i 1st saw him

when i first saw him
my eyes were froze on him
my heart pounced to leap out of my body
and my lips said "oh la la"

love was when i first touched him through a handshake
i kept looking at my hand
and kept smiling in remembrance of his 1st touch

love for me is the excitement when i speak to him
the fear of being seen and yet the will to be with him
the blush on my cheeks when i am with him
the hunger to be with him all the time

the puppy love or 1st crush
whatever it was
it was pure, rare and one of its kind

i dint know who he was when i fell for him
niether did his future bother me then
if i had to define love
it would certainly be my 1st love