Stars

I have looked at the night sky a million times before,
Always gazing at or searching for; the moon,
Always ignoring you or abandoning you,
Never even gave you a thought,

Who knew?
We would meet at such a place and such a time.
In the open ground of one of the most beautiful college,
I saw you!
I saw you and i gazed at you.

For the first time in such a long time,
Noted your existence,
And in what a grandeur,
Amidst a jazz concert,
In the nostalgic feel of the british architecture,
I saw you.
I saw you and we spoke,
For the first time i guess i spoke to you, stared at you, maybe even counted a few of you.

To be honest,
I counted 9 of you,
The brightest that shone tonight.
Thank you,
Thank you for accompanying me on this beatiful night,
In this beautiful place,
In the beautiful music playing behind our conversation.
Thank you for you company.
Thank you for being you.

If only...

She turned back and started walking away from him, with tear filled eyes. She knew her heart can’t be wrong and he loves her deeply and yet he chose to go away from her. He told her he is doing it for her own good and she kept on saying let me decide what is good for me. A deep melancholy filled her, she wished to cry out loud and yet she couldn’t, because she knew it was of no use, no matter how much she tells him that her happiness is with him and not away from him, he won’t listen. He won’t change his decision. All she could do at that moment was to shed a silent tear and keep walking. All those moments flashed in front of her eyes. All the memories of the time they spent together flood in her mind. She remembered their odd first conversation. The university was the least of all places she had thought she would meet someone and yet after she met him she couldn’t stop falling for him. H thought he was invisible to her in that classroom and she always wanted to tell him that he wasn’t. She did something out of her nature that day, for the first time she gave away her number to a guy on the first meet itself. Sure she was scared and hoped he wasn’t a psycho stalker. She even tried to shoo him away, but found herself going back to him time and again. He made her blush; he taught her once again the magic of meeting someone, the magic of stealing a glance of the person you like. He made her feel the butterflies in her stomach once again. He did nothing special and still made her feel special every day. Gradually her initial fears disappeared or rather got replaced by new ones. Fear of losing him. He had a tendency to go out of touch for days together and now she wanted to tell him one last time that she hated that thing. She lost him time and again because it was never her call to keep him bound to herself. And here they were once again at the same standpoint. How she wishes she could just keep him with her and still here he was once again choosing to leave. He made his decisions, he said his life was too messed up already and dint want to mess up hers by getting her in his life and here she was thinking, everyone’s life is messed up, if only she could convince the math professor in him that “they both” the two negatives could make a positive i.e “their future”. But no matter how much she tried he wouldn’t agree. She will never be able to make him see this simple logic. Here she was walking away, knowing in her heart that they could have created a positive life out of their negatives. 

a battle lost

I had heard that a soulmate is someone who can understand your silence,
but felt d opposite to be true,
I had heard you feel uncontrollablly attracted towards your soulmate,
and that proved to be true but only from my side,
I had heard that love gives you strength to fight wit the world,
and was ready to do so,
but still I lost the battle,
I lost it to him,
he never really thot of me d same way I did,
he never thot of me as a soulmate,
I still remember the 1st time I met him,
I felt breathless pull towards him,
but probably it was just one sided,
I lost the battle of my heart,
I lost it to him,
as he never saw a soulmate in me,

I caught myself going back again and again to him,
even though I was not welcomed by him,
in a hope that someday he will realise wat we have is not just a small attraction, but a relation way stronger,
but found myself to be more and more week day by day,
as I kept loosing all hopes against hopes,

in my journey of loving him I hurted many other souls,
I just wanted to live,
to live a relation that was rightfully mine,
a relation I had always dreamed of,
but I lost my battle,
I lost it to him
as he dint see me d same way as I saw him,

I can see in his behaviour that he can't deny the fact that he feels something strong for me too,
and I fail to understand y he cannot see me d way I see him,
is he really so unaware of the connection of souls,
or is he just pretending to be unaware of my pain,
even after all that I am going through,
I will loose this battle too,

I may surrender to the worldly pressure
but In my heart I will always wonder,
had I won the battle to his heart
would I have for once lived the relation which was rightfully mine.

Talash

Apno ki bheed mei,
Har koi anjaan sa hai,
Chahaton ki mehfil mei,
Sab kuch viraan sa hai,

Jujh raha hai harr koi yahaan,
Dhund raha koi saathi,
Koi basera, koi saraaha,
Jisse manzil keh paate,

Jin rishton k naam nai,
Unme dil atka hai,
Harr kissi k liye yaha rishton ka apna alag maina hai,

Mai bhi nikli thi dhundne ek aisa rishta,
Jaha kissi k naam se khud ka naam mila paati,
Dhund rahi thi koi aisa,
Jisse tut kar pyar kar paati,

Bohot dhunda bahar koi aisa,
Jiske ek jhalak se dil khil jaaye,
Parr badi der se ehsas hua,
Ki harr talash khud k mann k andar hi le aaye,

Kissi aur mei kuch dhundne se pehle,
Khud k andar jhako,
Jitni kami dekh rahe ho,
Aur jitne gun dhund rahe ho,
Shayad sab sawalo k jawab andar hi mil jaaye.

She chose to be

I saw somewhere
I dont remember where
But her persona emitted only brightness

Every person she met
Every heart she touched
Caught a little of the gold
That she in her heart hold

They say she's too young to be a mom
They take her too casually
Just because she has a bright smile
They think she has no pain
Its strange that they all forget
There's no gain without pain

But yet she smiles
Ignoring them all
As she has raised her bar

She chose
She chose all of this
The jokes, the casual manner they look at her,
She chose to be like this
She chose to be happy
And people close know
She chose well.

All she needed was love

In her lone and despair
She kept weeping
All she had was lonliness
All she wanted was a companion

Beautiful and pretty for a friend
But no one would take her for a girl
Bubbly and chirpy she comforted all by her smile
But when in dispair and need, none of them came by

Tired of her life
She looses all hope

All she needed was love
A companion , A friend
But she had none

If only she understood
Love for herself
She could have felt
A companion in her lone.
A companion called
Herself

The first love

    love for me is my 1st boyfriend
love was when i 1st saw him

when i first saw him
my eyes were froze on him
my heart pounced to leap out of my body
and my lips said "oh la la"

love was when i first touched him through a handshake
i kept looking at my hand
and kept smiling in remembrance of his 1st touch

love for me is the excitement when i speak to him
the fear of being seen and yet the will to be with him
the blush on my cheeks when i am with him
the hunger to be with him all the time

the puppy love or 1st crush
whatever it was
it was pure, rare and one of its kind

i dint know who he was when i fell for him
niether did his future bother me then
if i had to define love
it would certainly be my 1st love

Another year to an end another new beginning

As always its my favourite month of the year DECEMBER. I love december's because they have a misty touch to the evenings here in mumbai. Plus with all the celebrations of christmas and new years the entire city is in a happy mood. Red is the color of christmas and the color of romance too. The name of  Romance brings a tinkle in the sweet cancerian souls eyes thats me :) an year can be good or bad depending on the events that occured in the entire year. For me 2012 was bad as i lost my dad but 2013 i was welcoming with a hopefull heart and hence 2013 proved no less than wonderful and superb and now I am ready to pay my adieus to 2013 and welcome 2014 with an even bigger hopefull and excited heart. For all my friends who think 2013 wasnt so great please keep a hopefull heart enjoy the remaining days of 2013 and welcome 2014 with a bang and a boom. :)
Adieus 2013
Au revoir

Love again

I am a person born in the 1980's
Love for me is a little confusing

Sometimes in my silence i sit back and wonder,
What exactly is love for one another,

I like a guy and he is cute
But he is not what my parents will choose
I want to be close to him
But my parents i cant live without

We the generation of 1980's suffer sometimes
As we want two things at a time

When i see my parents i see they dint have a will
But they had the determination to strive for a relation
Once they were bind

I see the generation of 1990's
They live in present and dont bother of future
They have the zest to live as it comes
And we kept thinking about the future

We lack determination
And we lacked the zest
Here we are confused again

We love , we live , but we cant sustain
Thats the love of our generation
Which we never lived.

Mother's love

My first attempt to write a poem
The topic was DIE LIEBE i.e. love. I chose mother's love

I have searched the entire world
And seen many places
In those places i have met many face

Some i remember some i forgot
But their emotions i never forgot

I have seen many relations make and break
Some were by birth some were by choice made

Among all the relations the only one i can relate with love
Is that of a mother

All other relations are somewhere an exchange or give and take
But a mother's love to her kid is can nvr b fake

She gives you birth she nutures you til late,
In return she asks for nothing by her fate,
You love her, respect her or even if you give her your hate,
A mother wil never give u anything bt love love and love in return...

what woman really want

I hear my Team leader and many other men complaining about our gender that is the female gender being a confused species and keep wondering what kind of girls they have encountered. As far as relations are concerned I would say that not a particular gender but the whole generation is confused and have a fear of commitment.

When I read this post by Preeti Shenoy today I could not stop myself from sharing it because I have myself personally experienced a most of the things. I once had a friend who had this compulsive urge to give solutions without even listening to the entire thing that I say I so hope he reads this atleast it will help him in his personal relations.

 I am putting in my own example in this post and giving the source link below so you could check Preeti’s post as well.

Enjoy reading –

Here are five things every woman will want from her man.

1. Tell us we look beautiful. Notice the small things about us. Like the ear-rings and heels. Notice the new eye-liner. I know most men don't even notice something as trivial as an eye-liner but you can at least notice her new dress or saree and compliment her on time. We woman don’t have the patience to wait till the date ends to hear just a “your looking nice!”
   
2. Please talk. Articulate! Talk to us about stuff that interests you. A new movie? A new book? Even call of duty black ops is fine! Really :). What do you like? What goes on inside that head?  Just talk!
We like to have a nice conversation with the person we like. Be it on any topic.

3. Please dress well. Please make some effort in looking nice when you take us out. 

We girls too like a little Greenary for our eyes. You could look decent enough rather then just getting out of the bed and coming for a date and also just because your married to the girl now doesn’t mean that you dress anyhow.

4. Get us little presents for no reason. Anything really! Flowers, a book, a card, a music CD. The gift need not be expensive, but please show that some effort went in choosing that gift. while on the subject I must clarify--table-mats for the house is not a good gift. Neither is a weighing scale. We like to feel special even after years and years of relationship.

5.Please listen! I mean really listen when we speak. Pay attention. I know what our girlfriend's sister's cousin wore and whom she talked to and where she went and what her boss told her at work, doesn't really interest you. I know. But listen, will you? And empathise. Be genuinely interested. Or at least try. Women will love you for it. 

Sorry, if I was rude in any of the things I said but I feel that these days maintaining a relation takes more efforts and dedication. We all (both men and woman) have so much and so little time that we stop showing love and affection to our partners.

Source - Preeti Shenoy

Happy 2013 to all

After reading a post by a fellow blogger ritika i realised yesterday that i have also not yet wished you guys new years.
As they say Better late than never.
So, A very happy new year to all of you.

How is 2013 treating you guys so far?
The past 5 days or rather as i had mentioned in my post on 31st december last 8 days (inluding the last 3days of december) have been full of joy, excitement and happiness for me.
So I thought why not make a list of things we should do in 2013.
1. Be happy you are a survivor. After all we all did live through the DOOMS DAY.
2. Take a resolution you can break happily and another one which you would be proud to achieve. A little naughty a little nice is a good combo, isnt it?
3. Give yourself one pety reason to smile daily (this can be the resolution you would be proud to achieve)
4. Create something! ( even if its just a small art or craft or a simple new recipe ). Basically something which can again give you a feel good factor.
5. Learn that thing you always wanted to. ( I am finally joining a photography class starting today and am super excited )
6. Those staying near any water body - go to the beach and watch the sunset. Those who dont go to your terrace with a cup of tea or coffee and enjoy the sunset.
7. Moon gazing is one of the awesomest thing trust me. Even the most unromantic person can not stop themselves from appreciating its beauty.
8. Go for at least one adventure sport this year.
9. Travel alone atleast once. Even if its a 2 hour journey. I had been to pune in december and it is a nice way of spending some lone time with yourself.
10. Get wet in the rain. Thats my yearly ritual and I dont care where I am if its raining and am on my way home i hold the umbrella shut in my hands.
11. Pamper yourself and your loved ones yaar.
12. Gossip. Science says its a stress buster. But ofcourse watch out it could be dangerous.
13. Lastely, keep reading my posts and interacting with me. I love that.
So basically, the entire theme of this post is to do things which make you feel good about yourself, life and over all about everything around you.
I wrote this post because I have heard from many people around me and even on few blogs I read or few comments on other blogs that 2012 has been a bad year for many people.
So lets all try treating 2013 as a good year from our side because like they say if you think positive you automatically attract good thimgs to you.
Love you all and once again a very happy 2013.

Happie birthday to my bhabhi poonam

It seems like today is a day to write love posts for my loved ones. Its my bhabhi's birthday on 5 jan so i would publish this post and tell her to read.

I would have preferred a hand written letter to her but dint get the chance as this idea just struck me few minutes before 12 am.

So here it goes.

Dear poonam,

Many many many happy returns of the day. I know i may not have been a super good sister in law ( nanand ) to you but i want you to know that you are the best bhabhi someone could ever get.

I dont know when it happened but for me you mean not only just a bhabhi but also a sister and my best friend.

Since childhood since it was only me and your husband keval i can only say that your the one person who made me feel what relation two sisters share.

Everybody around me know that i am a bit cranky at times but i have tried my best that my crankiness doesnt touch you. But still if i might have hurt you i am sorry.

Lastly i only want you to know that i can not imagine how my family was before you i mean it feels like you were a family members since ever.

Happie birthday once again.

Lovr you.

A tribute to my CRUSH

Now that my 1st crush and a long time good friend is finally getting married I just thought I should write a post on our friendship. I know that not many people would be interested in knowing someone’s personal relations but its my blog and its dear to me and so is my friend so I ought to write about him.

Well as you may assume he was the 1^st guy I ever fell for and like they say 1^st crushes are unforgettable likewise he is one person my memories never forget. But we are 2 complicated souls and so my crush or his feelings for me never seemed to overpower our care and concern for each other. Yes you guys are smart enough to guess that the feelings were mutual between us.

We liked each other, fell for each other and then we fought with each other too. He went away for sometime etc. after lots of melodrama in 2 years of friendship both of us realized that we can afford to suppress our attraction for each other but we still can’t live without each other’s presence in our lives and so we kept going on in life with our friendship.

It’s not that we met daily or called up regularly. Its more on the telepathy that our relation has lasted so long. Call it fate or telepathy or destiny or anything but we always tend to bump into each other when either one of us is on the verge of getting emotionally drained. Yes, being a crab and a fish by sun signs our emotions too give us a toll atleast they used to as teenagers.

Kitne aaye kitne gaye ( crushes ) but we still hang on with each other like what he calls CONSTANT.

Now after 14 years it feels good to know that he is one of the few people who care for you unconditionally and who really want the best things in life for you and what makes me proud of myself is that he thinks the same about me and even though none of us ever promised it but we have a 100% guarantee that no matter what the world think’s of us and about our success and failures we both will never judge each other for the deeds we did or will do.

So here’s a small wedding gift for my 1^st crush may god give him all the happiness and peace in his marriage and other phases of life.

Love you buddy forever!

Bye Bye 2012

To begin with 2012 has over all been bad for me. I would try making this the last post where I mention the loss of my father. Apart from that bollywood lost many legends too.

 A 2 minute moan for the following people -

1. Yash Chopra ji ( The person who taught us romance)

2. Rajesh Khanna ji ( The 1^st Indian heart throb)

3. Shammi Kapoor ji ( The man who taught me the FAMOUS HEAD SHAKING STEP of AAJ KAL TERE MERE PYAR K CHARCHE)

4. Dara Singh ji (The original action hero of bollywood)

5. Mehndi Hassan ji (Pakistani ghazal maestro, well I am partial to ghazal)

6. Joy Mukherji ji ( Another person who depicted the Charm of Romance)

7. Achala Sachdev ji ( The 1^st zohrajabeen known to me and many kids from my generation and the later one’s)

8. Pandit Ravi Shanker ji ( The sitar maestro)

9. Jaspal Bhatti ji ( Who introduced humour to me in my childhood days )

10. A.K. Hangal ji ( No kid who has ever seen sholay can forget his famous dialogue “itna sanata kyu hai bhai”

11. Bala Saheb Thakeray ( The person whose death stopped the Pace of the non stop never sleeping city MUMBAI for 2 days)

12. Taruni Sachdev ( The cute Child Artist from the Movie PAA )

Well these are just the famous people who died forgive me if I might have missed on some one.

Apart from of course my 1^st hero of my life my dad.

But now that 2012 has come to an end, I am already feeling the positive vibes coming my way. Personally it has been a bad year and the last 4 months have been the heights of negativity.

Its 31^st December today and I realized that the last 3 days have been a roller coaster of happy moments and good things coming my way, which has made me think that the end is already giving me the taste of goodness of the coming year.

A friend had told me that why are you terming the year to be good or bad. Well I know it is not the year which was good or bad it is the incidences in each individual's life's that make him or her feel good or bad about the year. Its only human psychology to term things good or bad. But, I dont mind being a little human today because am ending it yet on a good note!

So bye bye 2012 and 2013 I await you and welcome you with open arms and big ear to ear sparkling smile and lots of warmth in my heart.

Cheers to all.

P.S. Go low on alcohol, it’s a bad idea to start the new year with a hangover!!! :P

Any resolutions ? I am once again gonna try my hundreth attempt to go thin as my resolution this year! what's yours?

Mourning aint ending but where are we heading

The title of this post is in 2 context in my life right now.

One is my own personal mourning that doesn’t seem to end since my dad died in august and the other is the Delhi rape case and all the outrage of the public.

My question still remains that WHERE ARE WE HEADING?

In my own personal journey I have had small moments of joy like this one where my blog visits crossed 2000 views last night but that isn’t making me happy at all right now. I have had quiet a lot of heart aches since August 2012 in my life and given some to others too. The guilt the anger the frustration is all any ways making me insane and the shows like Crime Patrol and Savdhaan India add up to it by making it difficult to trust people around me. I know they are issued in public interests and they might have helped someone somewhere to save their life but its still making things difficult somewhere.

To be very honest I am totally numb right now and this post may not make any sense to anybody not even to me but I need to write.

I want to know where are we heading?

Even as a teen when I got to know the meaning of rape my 1^st reaction was the punishment of a rape should be to cut off the private part of a man who does that crime. Imagine the level of anger in me back then, but as time passed not only did the number of rape cases increased but the degree of inhuman or beast like nature of the rape increased more and more. Gang rapes, public rapes with the people seeing it coldly, making a girl walk with nude body throughtout the village for loving a person of other caste, openly kidnapping a girl walking on road raping her killing her and walking away these are a few incidents from the episodes of crime patrol which left me irritated.

But I cant do anything about all this!

Being a girl I just get one question –

On one hand in a city like MUMBAI we the girls of today plan and strive to make ourself an independent woman. We thrive to make our own identity and we love it when any other girl gets some recognition.

On the other hand I have an INDIA where girls are still just nothing more then a carrier of vagina. Where they are killed for being born a girl. What are we a TOY? why is it the mentality of some Indian male that if you want to humiliate a girl then rape her. Are we nothing more then a body?

Now this delhi rape case

The entire nation is angry but what are we doing for it!

Can we please do something to force the government to change the laws now atleast

And corruption!

Ya, that is the biggest reason why all this is happening.

Even though in this case it is not related but then there are cases of wealthy bastards kids commiting the same crime and getting away with it because of their contacts and money.

We need law amendments very badly and very quickly.
One major problem is that a majority of the people who commit these crimes dont have a facebook account to see our angry status updates or even the blogs we write.
But the government officials probably do!!!
So if anyone reading this post does have the authority or the method to bring about changes am asking them
Can we pls do something now.?
Otherwise the only rescues that I cant think of is keeping swords at home for our safety and the woman who work need to carry a licenced gun or fuck the licence but a loaded gun.

You may laugh at my thoughts but come to think of it and you would choose the same option for your Mother, Sister, Wife and Daughter.

Bag of waste memories

What are waste memories?
Its the memories that do no good to your life.
Some memories make you laugh some others make you cry and some others might have some other effect on our mind and heart when you remember them. But, there are some memories which are a factual part of your life but are of no use to you anymore. They are just there.
So i call them as WASTE MEMORIES.
Why?

Because, you cant get rid of your memories anyways.

So what do you do with them?

Hence like waste clothes these are waste memories.

Why and how i came to this concept?

Well read on for the answer.

Yesterday was the day my best friend had got married 3 yrs back. If everything would have gone well then she would have been celebrating her 3 anniversary yesterday, but she could not even celebrate 1 anniversary. Things dint go as expected and she returned to her parents house within 10 months. Went through all the melodrama of councelling by "N" number of free counsellors called RELATIVES, may be 1 professional counsellor as well. Finally they put thier case in court and went through another few ardious sessions of councellings, questioning and cross questioning and a few months back the judge finally declared the marriage to be dissolved officially.
In between all this life did change for the girl ( call me partial or whatever, i would only put my friends side today). She did try extracting every positive thing there was to this situation, like, finally pursing a career as against being a housewife and tried living a happy life.
I know of course that divorces are no big deal these days but it still took 3 years of her life.
Now coming back to the memories.
No matter how much you try living happily there is one day or probably a couple of days that dont pass without reminding you the importance they had once held. One such day for my friend is her wedding day. Even though she is happy to be out of a dead relation, every year on that day she remembers that it was that day on which she had become a BRIDE.
It makes her remember how many preparations she had looked after herself, just to make that one day picture perfect. How many tedious dress rehersals and make up rehearsals did she go through to make sure she looked her best ( tedious because she was never a fashion or makeup lover ). How much shopping and window shoppings were done to select her wardrobe. Plus, not to forget the freaking amount of money spend in arranging a GREAT INDIAN WEDDING.
And now, it all sounds a waste.
Gone down the gutter.
So what do u do with this waste memory, because, no matter how much you move on in life these memories will never erase. These waste memories are like the waste wedding and honeymoon photo albums which dont hold any significance any more but where supposed to be the most important moments some time back or atleast thats what a normal human thinks of it to be.
You cant do anything about the memories and as far as the photo albums are concerned i suggested my friend "to cut ur pics and courier that morons pics to his address" with a title saying " with lots of love". Hehehe.
But its still a waste anyways.

a readathon for book worms

What an idea sirji!

Millions of people reading together for an hour. Like WOW.

I just came across a FB ad for Qitaabe and followed the string of links and reached to this post. The minute I read this post I felt what a thought!

An image came to my mind of the situation of end moments studies that we do did in college.

Starting to study 1 week before exam and then trying to get important questions and notes. The tension of how would I cover a portion as vast as the ocean in 1 week and the best part was the frantic phone calls we made every post breakfast, post lunch, post evening teas and post dinners to our buddies asking them how much did they cover. The only fun was of the relief of knowing that your friends are sailing in the same boat.

The conversations usually started with kitna padha?

Hoping of the obvious reply – kuch nai padha yaar!!!

And smiling by saying same here.

Wondering why am I relating this situation to the campaign by Qitaabe.

Because I love combine studies which we did with the condition – “tu tere ghar padhai kar mai mere ghar but we would fix the time and portion to be covered.

Hence am doing my bit of spreading the word.

Sharing below the article with the campaign details-


Book Hour
On 9th December 2012 India will be celebrating Book Hour from 8pm -9 pm. Book Hour was an idea born out of the initiative to promote book reading as a fun activity. For those who read with a passion, make sure you don’t put your book down during book hour and for those who don’t, what better way to start this wonderful act than by doing it at the same time with millions of people! So tell your friends, neighbors, uncles and aunties to pick up a book, any book or magazine, even a newspaper or flyer will do, and read for at least an hour! Let’s make this a collective and a connective effort.
What now? Start by spreading the word about book hour, let it spread like wildfire. Get people to like the Qitaabé Page and talk about the campaign. Think of what you will be reading during Book Hour, where and with whom; share it with the world and see who else is on the same page as you!
More info coming soon!!
hoping that you all reader join me too.

c ya on 9th december.

source of book hour - qitaabe

December Blues

It’s that month of the year which I always loved a lot. I somehow love winters and December to me is the most romantic month of the year, I don’t know the reason behind it.

Heard long time back on the radio that 21 December is the longest night of the year. Interesting fact I thought. Although, it never interested me which was the longest day of the year. Later some culture made 21 december the day on which the world was suppose to end and I was like why yaar?

So ideally the date predicted was 21 December 2012 and we are getting close to it day by day. Let’s wait and watch what happens about that prediction.

In the mean while its that time of the year when celebrations and decorations are at their peak with Christmas and New Year around the corner. People all around are excited to end this year and welcome a new one no matter whether the year has proved to be good or bad to them. If its been good the expect the coming year to be more good and if its bad then they would wish and hope that the next year is good. I am also falling in the 2^nd category this year. Have been living in a whirlpool since August. Life it seems wants to run in a maddening pace not letting me breathe. No matter what the predictions are and whether they prove true or false my fact is I lost 4 very important people this year and hence,I am eagerly waiting for this year to get over. I just want this year to come to an end because its making me feel sick inside my heart to know that 2012 is the year I lost one of the pillars of my life : MY DAD.

To the new hope and a new year in advance.

10 mins of nightmare

Her 1st thought after she took a seat in the bus was "she should not have boarded this bus in the 1st place it wouldnt have harmed her to reach a little late at the theatre"
She took a ticket to kandivali in the air conditioned bus which costed her 75 bucks instead of what could have been a 20 bucks ticket in the normal bus.
regretted again and then she gradually went through a 10 minutes of nightmare of her own.
She had boarded an AC bus from bandra to kandivali and there was not a single female passenger in that bus. Infact the only other passenger in the bus was also a man including the driver and the conductor.
Immediately she switched off her music that was playing on her phone and removed her head phone and was just focusing on what the driver and conductor were conversing.
She herself was continually chanting the ganesh matra for her safety.
In those 10 minutes all the possible dangerous thoughts came her.
Thanks to the daily soap CRIME PATROL. She got scared because she was the only female feeling trapped between 3 men in a bus which could not be opened unless the driver wanted it to.
All the episodes of rape crimes and murdered after the rape were scaring the shit out of her.
Her mom's voice was echoing in her head scolding her "don't you have common sense to not board that bus in the 1st place"
The other thought that came was that "what if they kill her and throw her body".
Just yesterday she had spoken to her bhabhi about whom to give what possessions of her if she never woke up today morning. Why the fuck did she talk all that non sense yesterday. But the answer was all the recent deaths around her had left an feeling of uncertainty in her.

The next thought was a picture of her friend waiting outside the theatre wondering why she dint turn up. Mansi would keep wondering about where she was and probably call few times and when she would get some bad news about her friend how would she react.

After sometime the male passenger came and sat ahead and she was feeling her palms sweat out of fear. She was mentally recollecting what all stuff she had in her bag. Did she have anything that could help her defend herself. The answer was nothing she had in her bag was capable of being used in self defence.

The male passenger started conversing with the conductor and the driver in their local language. She could understand it and realized that the passenger was about to get down.

She kept on thinking whether she should get down too.?

yes, no, should I, shouldnt I?

Its better to be safely stupid rather then allowing conditions to create a tragedy was her thought and so as soon as the Bus stopped at the station and the passenger got down she stood up from her seat and went for the door. The conductor told her that Kandivali is still far away but she made an excuse that she has some work and got down.

The moment she got down she could see the same expression of suspicion on the other passenger and the conductor's face. It felt like the passenger was laughing at her foolishness as he saw her waiting for another bus at the same stop and the conductor's last expression as the door of the bus closed seemed like he was confused and upset of being untrusted. Even the other people waiting at that bus stop were eyeing her suspiciously.

But, like said in the movie Jhankaar beats "Better Safe Than Sorry" she told herself and boarded another bus for kandivali with a peaceful smile.

I know people who read this post might think that what a stupid girl she is created negative thoughts with in mind herself and then fell in the trap of her own thoughts. But the fact is : nobody thinks of such tragedies happening to them, am sure even the woman who have been victims to crimes would not have thought about it. So its better to take some safety steps and look foolish rather then being victims.

We all keep saying "its KALYUG and hence all this is happening" when we see crime patrol and hear or read such things in news. But my thought is : arre bhai jab pata hai ke kalyug hai toh thoda careful rehne mei koi bewakoofi nai hai. jo hona hai woh ho kar rahega but self invite to mat karo.

Hope ya all be safe.

also published on yourstoryclub.com/dikshal